New feature: Missed it Mondays 

What is it?

Well…This one time I was watching this funny TV show.. it was.. I can’t really remember it but it was really funny. Then I had an idea for a dream vacation. I mean I had the spread, OK. The beach, the hotel. Then I wrote all this all of this down.  Wrote it all down, really wrote it, like 5 pages. Fucking lost it. 

Here’s the first installment. Get ready to weep.

1. Un-Taiwans, almost as cool as taiwans. Not all patent, but a gradient swoosh, and white, and crispy. These shoes don’t even have a price since you never see them. People drop coin for the real thing, but these guys are sleepers. Some guy meanwhile got away with them for $70 shipped, less than the price of the pair of dunks in any heavy tax state. If these were my size, I’d be crying in my Diet Pepsi.
–

2. New Balance MT580s. I’m not even sure what year these are from, or what series. There are definitely more of these than there have been Governor Generals. These are definitely loud, but they also go for about $300 new, so whoever copped these - they’re real, and rare, at size 11 - made out like a thief. Good for you, heatman! 
–

3. DS Air Jordan IIIs, but from 1994. No one got a deal here; that’s not the way it works. But god damn if this isn’t a hot purchase. See that NIKE AIR on the back? Because I don’t see no damn Jumpman. If you told me in college that Jordan IIIs would be going for $400, I’d have spent my paychecks on Athletes World’s Black Cement IIIs that got returned  to Nike HQ (three pairs sold). As it stands, I don’t own any IIIs any more, and at this rate, I might not. But damn if I don’t get a law degree one day just so I can buy boxes like that whenever I want. If you have $400 to drop on sneakers, you might as well ball like a dogg. 

Look for more of these, every Monday. Get your games up til then..

Nike Hoya Terminators — size 14 - Starting bid at 5K for a piece of history. Reasons you should buy this (now): besides general flyness, whoevers played bass for GBs rocked em in the NYC HC insert, the leather is denser, less puffy and better than the reissues, and it’s not a reissue. This was a shoe that 23 years ago you would only see on your TV thanksgiving weekend and some Saturday afternoons. And you wouldn’t even see it, only your son would if he stared really hard. Iller than any Dunk, one of the biggest drops from OG to retro, mainly because of the OG’s untouchability. Cop this and get Sheryl Swoopes pregnant then give it to your pride and joy for the diamond anny.

Nike Air Force V — size 10 - Buy it now at $275. One of the few high tops of this caliber to not get retro-ed yet. Although the shoe veers a little too much to air ultra flight/poor man style shoes for my taste. A very barren white shoe. Some more swoosh on this thing and they’d look like a basketball shoe, and not something the free newspaper guys wore in the rain. These are always on eBay, but I’m just saying. I don’t know in what universe these are worth $275 though.

The same seller has a Carolina blue pair up too, these are gonna go cheap, but no doubt will crumble right off your feet the first time you leave your hermitcally sealed anti-gravity chamber. You have to be at least 250 lb or positive to pull off this shoe.

Nike Carnivore — size 9.5
At any given time there is a pair of these on eBay. Would love to buy every pair as they come up all year and give everyone I know a pair for Christmas next year. Kind of an expensive gag, but funny to watch people try to figure out whether to hook the straps up OVER their jeans or under them, etc. (If you want a cheap version of this gag, you can buy everyone this). Of all the bad sneakers that exist in the world, this might be the one that tempts me the most often. Funny that the auction says they are “100% authentic” — I would really tip my hat to a bootlegger who was producing these guys.

Am I clear?
Are these real?
The original Prestos, in 1999, or 2000, or so, were something else and a bag of chips. They came out in 16 stupidly named colorways (trouble at home, the hungry fisherman, chips and dip, stephen murphy) and had a serious, serious ad campaign. I dont know if anyone reading this is old enough to remember it (whatup usercd) but these ads were everywhere, men in sleeveless water wicking hooded sweatshirts jumping up and down white marble buildings, for girls, or away from beasts, under the hot sun. The ads were pretty mondrian (not mondrian, someone help me out here.. very basic color scheme, but not monochrome.. triochrome? trizome?), all clay and blue and white. Men with 3-extension buzzcuts and one day growth wore no watches or socks and there was not much in the streets, people or carts or sidewalks. As for the shoes themselves they were complicated, sleek and antisensical. Why such a vulnerable toebox, like a soft belly, and both hard plastic lacetowers? Why they… got weird sizing? Unisex? I was all about to start a presto bank in boston but then i left to go get a degree…

Jude keeps telling me that there’s a Presto with a Greek god’s face on the front, and I’ve never seen it, or heard anyone mention it outside of Jude and other Philly heads but it’s a grail of mine. Not the shoe, the picture.

As for this one, I think it’s a retro of the original black presto that came out turn of the millenium. My friend Nick says that the original black Presto is a perfect shoe, and it is. It’s a perfect shoe. This one is close.