“After a nuclear war, three things will exist. Twinkies, cockroaches and Air Max 95 Z’s”

“After a nuclear war, three things will exist. Twinkies, cockroaches, and Sick Of It All”

Two opinions, from two friends. Unfortunately neither of these are my size. Such a bummer.

New feature: Missed it Mondays 

What is it?

Well…This one time I was watching this funny TV show.. it was.. I can’t really remember it but it was really funny. Then I had an idea for a dream vacation. I mean I had the spread, OK. The beach, the hotel. Then I wrote all this all of this down.  Wrote it all down, really wrote it, like 5 pages. Fucking lost it. 

Here’s the first installment. Get ready to weep.

1. Un-Taiwans, almost as cool as taiwans. Not all patent, but a gradient swoosh, and white, and crispy. These shoes don’t even have a price since you never see them. People drop coin for the real thing, but these guys are sleepers. Some guy meanwhile got away with them for $70 shipped, less than the price of the pair of dunks in any heavy tax state. If these were my size, I’d be crying in my Diet Pepsi.
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2. New Balance MT580s. I’m not even sure what year these are from, or what series. There are definitely more of these than there have been Governor Generals. These are definitely loud, but they also go for about $300 new, so whoever copped these - they’re real, and rare, at size 11 - made out like a thief. Good for you, heatman! 
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3. DS Air Jordan IIIs, but from 1994. No one got a deal here; that’s not the way it works. But god damn if this isn’t a hot purchase. See that NIKE AIR on the back? Because I don’t see no damn Jumpman. If you told me in college that Jordan IIIs would be going for $400, I’d have spent my paychecks on Athletes World’s Black Cement IIIs that got returned  to Nike HQ (three pairs sold). As it stands, I don’t own any IIIs any more, and at this rate, I might not. But damn if I don’t get a law degree one day just so I can buy boxes like that whenever I want. If you have $400 to drop on sneakers, you might as well ball like a dogg. 

Look for more of these, every Monday. Get your games up til then..

Please, someone buy this. You don’t even need to be into sneakers. Maybe you surfed over here from bidhardcore, and came over here for weightlifting tips**. Maybe you’re my dad and are reading this website. Maybe you found it searching for valentine tips, or cro-mags info, or something. Just buy the old girls, wear em every day and get them filthier than a runaway.

Taiwans baby.. If you know, you know. For the rest of yall, this might be the single best pair of air forces Nike did up since switching to bad leather five years ago - and no coincidence it was released seven (smh) years ago. The Taiwans number at 3000, and I believe there are about a dozen out there in working condition, with Jay Bil rightly owning two pairs. This pair is beyond icy on the top, but with a piss yellow sole. It doesn’t matter because it looks better. Taiwans dropped in 2001 and are all over patent, with the swoosh a light gradient (not a coincidence that the best Year Of Force does the same thing) going from lighter to darker, like most things in life.

While the original run of the Co.Jp’s languished on the shelves for years and by the time they got resurrected, they were worth double retail of whatever was out at the time. If you were smart, you’d have bought the gums at $5, and sold them for $400 only a year later. Unfortunately Taiwan retail lore doesn’t seem to exist. Not rightly, but unsurprisingly so, this is a white air force, which, even after all these years, self-nominated sneakerheads don’t mess with. But most likely, you can’t inflate a ghost. This aint no sneaker you see on the street* or on most of the feet at a gig, or on your weekend trip to Flight Club. This is a man’s shoe, boy. You see one of these in the street, play lotto, because 9 out of 10 times you gonna win.

*Not in this shape, anyways, fuck it, it’s yellowed.
**I’ll sell you that Venom LP, I don’t want that thing.

Vintage Nike Air Zooms? Or so this guy says. It’s hard to say what this shoe is but it’s been one of the biggest ghosts in the game that I’ve come across. The first time I found it was a little over two years ago, I was checking out the crooked tongues board’s what did you wear today post, and this was on there, with no info, no further pics, no tag, no info, nothing. The poster was an OG rare air euro, with slim jeans, an air of mystery and a deep closet. What were these things? I didn’t actually find them, but my man Steve*, a Montrealer who never bought anything I’d sell, and didn’t actually buy much at all, and who got into NFL Football from his girlfriend, but he showed these things to me and put them on the case. Though I was washed up as long as two years ago, I spent a good week looking for info on these things, through my channels. But nothing. No clue, when they dropped, how much they went for, or anything. I gave up, and I think that after about six or eight months, but definitely later that year (2006), I got a handle on the handles and hooked Steve up. By that point it was too late, and Steve had spent the rest of his money buying fantasy football magazines so he could build a team lousy enough to not make the playoffs.

As far as the shoes themselves, they’re pretty special. The tag dates them to 1994, and the shape would suggest the same. The last looks to be identical to the huarache light, once a personal favorite by the entire heatunitreport.com team. Also, check out the speed lacing, which was rare on these types of shoes. It does make sense to have a light lacing system on a non air, light** shoe, but off the top of my head the only shoes I remember with these are the Lava Dome IIIs, not exactly bastions of stealth in design. No matter though. This purple and orange thing is as good an example of Beaverton’s confusing autonomy, and how it’s not long for this world.

These shoes should go for $15 or less, but are more likely than not to go the way of these, which is a shame. This shoe, cleaned up, could really turn some heads, and is a deal for under $40. It shouldn’t slip through the cracks again.

*Named have been changed. I mean, if I got into football from a girl…
**proper

Nike Air Max 98s . This shoe is the equivalent of putting a great jacket on a beautiful girl. I’ll see one on the sartorialist, and you’d think they’d look best in the summer, but plain janes and air max 97s are a lot alike, muted, understated, never mistaken for like, your Pamela Anderson or Dunk. The 98 is like a teched out version of the 97.. more lines, more curves, more colors, more air, but just as low profile, just as sleepy. Then the drunk sine curve of the line right above the air gets under your skin and you can’t think of another shoe. Terrible light techno/house, or whatever, band Red Snapper wore these on the back of a record, to their credit. They didn’t ruin them. You never see these.. This pair is a size 7, perfect for the girl in your life. Buy her them shits, they’re barely nikes, they’re sleepy, lazy and kempt, they were them all over Banff and Italy, Karachi and Brussels, wear them, get them.Look at that teeny weeny swoosh. I miss them, my pair, half a size too big, oh they looked fly. But they could never take the place of my Maxes. :pHope you all had a nice long weekend..

Yummy Bunny Court Victory — size 10 - If you are looking for the tip of the top in fruit pebble douche-baggery sneakers here you go. You’d probably want to offset these with a nice linen suit (in the summer), herringbone hat (all seasons) or a beltless executive trenchcoat in inclement weather. This way if you go the pharmacy, you’ll be treated with respect. Forget about walking into CHEERS though.

Used Supreme Dunk Highs (blue) — size 10.5 - These things are creased to shit and already over $100 with more than 4 days left. I would love to get a used pair that I can throw on to walk to the mart or mow the lawn, but can we plz get a used pair under a hundred? There’s a duality here: if shit’s under 100, then its basically free (basically), but spending over 55 bucks on ebay on shoes.. damn. I think I’ve done it twice? Dropping cash in person is nothing but like on the bay.. Kind of a mental commitment. Weird way to live…

Nike Kennedy — size 8 - This guy says that if you request he will clean these up to eBay standards. What a dick.

Whoops, no heat in this post. We taking the Sabbath off, doggee.

Nike Hoya Terminators — size 14 - Starting bid at 5K for a piece of history. Reasons you should buy this (now): besides general flyness, whoevers played bass for GBs rocked em in the NYC HC insert, the leather is denser, less puffy and better than the reissues, and it’s not a reissue. This was a shoe that 23 years ago you would only see on your TV thanksgiving weekend and some Saturday afternoons. And you wouldn’t even see it, only your son would if he stared really hard. Iller than any Dunk, one of the biggest drops from OG to retro, mainly because of the OG’s untouchability. Cop this and get Sheryl Swoopes pregnant then give it to your pride and joy for the diamond anny.

Nike Air Force V — size 10 - Buy it now at $275. One of the few high tops of this caliber to not get retro-ed yet. Although the shoe veers a little too much to air ultra flight/poor man style shoes for my taste. A very barren white shoe. Some more swoosh on this thing and they’d look like a basketball shoe, and not something the free newspaper guys wore in the rain. These are always on eBay, but I’m just saying. I don’t know in what universe these are worth $275 though.

The same seller has a Carolina blue pair up too, these are gonna go cheap, but no doubt will crumble right off your feet the first time you leave your hermitcally sealed anti-gravity chamber. You have to be at least 250 lb or positive to pull off this shoe.

Nike Carnivore — size 9.5
At any given time there is a pair of these on eBay. Would love to buy every pair as they come up all year and give everyone I know a pair for Christmas next year. Kind of an expensive gag, but funny to watch people try to figure out whether to hook the straps up OVER their jeans or under them, etc. (If you want a cheap version of this gag, you can buy everyone this). Of all the bad sneakers that exist in the world, this might be the one that tempts me the most often. Funny that the auction says they are “100% authentic” — I would really tip my hat to a bootlegger who was producing these guys.

User massmovement773 (not sure who it is, but suspect I probably know the dawg) is selling a bunch of used runners (peep his whole list here). No real super hot shit or anything, but stuff like Steve Nash 90s, a couple stabbs, etc.

The one thing that catches my eye though is those FF 90s. Always thought these looked dope when they came out. Should have grabbed a pair, but slept on ‘em, and my buddy repped em hard that whole summer and I didn’t want to bite his style. Surprisingly subtle at the time and stands up well a year and a half after dropping, something you can’t say for 95% of every half baked concept for a quickstrike that comes along.

They are used, the pictures are blurry, they look a litttle creased (only real bummer), and the auction ends on CHRISTMAS EVE. There isn’t a high demand for these shoes, you can probably pick them up for retail or just little over if you hunt around, so a used pair on the cheap might be a nice. Just sayin’.

No big deal? Yeah you might have seen me on the streets, oh, never? Yeah hi my name’s Jeff and I’ll be doing your groceries for you and driving you to work and sitting on your lap and doing your job. After keeping me on staff for ten years you might be lucky enough to see a pair of Jordan 1 lows in white on the street. I don’t care, not even the Beastie Boys could make these shoes suck.

If I saw a pair of these on the street (say, on the US east coast) my stomach would be in my throat, and if someone reached over to me, with this box, and motioned for me to take it, my knees would buckle. And I’ve been wearing Wallies every day since July. But this is what this site is all about, reporting true motha fockin heat units. I would wear these in Ed Koch’s NY and fully expect my throat to be slit - EAR TO EAR - and on the table, I’d lay facing my inevitable and all too sullied eternal slumber, I would grin, looking down at my feet in white Jordans and black socks, dark purple blood on my shoes and a bunch of teeth on the ground, but both of them on, I can’t see my toes or feel my face. You could have corkscrew curls and look cool in these. Jordan 1s look cooler on your feet than ANY other shoe, rare or otherwise.

Honestly man.. I don’t know what I can say about this shoe besides:

1. Good luck finding it on this continent.
2. Good luck finding it not shelled by zhieep, total POS ruining jay bil’s good time. wah jaybil.
3. Good luck finding it period.
4. I don’t even understand. Take a look at the scheller’s (hi sheller) other stuff. Hi, i’m a bernie kosar shirt, you might remember me from your UPS’ guy’s college dorm (starting bid $20). Oh dont mind me, just an all over print wolverines shirt with a wolverine on it. No big deal. (Not to mention the other stuff he has, lightning jersey, stussy rasta letterman jacket - xxl, some old ass champion tees… I love America)

These days everyone’s a sneakerhead but the oldest heat you see is from March. Oh wow, this year’s Jordan Vs? So you’re telling me you have $120? Cool. Sweet. Rare airs, where you been? Everytime you think the last deadstock (this isn’t ds, but its close) pairs only belong to Marc Jacobs’ life coach and 3 dudes in Japan, you see a pair up on ebay, just hanging out waiting to be plucked in the American heartland. It’s already been a great week for
vintage jordan ones, not the least of which i will be buried in. Like, damn. And whether your budget can cop any of these, it’s nice to (hopefully) know that these are going to real people somewhere (although I’ve been convinced that half of ebay are celebrity buyers for like, Stephen Dorff).

Wear in good health, always: